Now, on to the true purpose of this particular blog.
The first wake that I recall attending was for the mother of one of my good friends back in high school. I never met her, but was deeply moved by the experience and could feel the pain emanating off of every person in the room. Not long after this, I found myself attending the wake and funeral of one of my neighbors. His passing was very sudden and unexpected. I never really got to know him well either, but couldn't help but feel the sadness in my heart and tears welling in my eyes to see his immediate family and close friends suffering so much. There were a few other instances of people that I knew passing, including a childhood friend that hit me extremely hard, but I never made it to say my goodbyes to them.
 |
| My grandma and I at the zoo |
In September of 2009, I got an early morning phone call and knew instantly that something was wrong. My maternal grandmother, who had been suffering from Parkinson's Disease for some time and was quickly consumed by the horrible illness of dementia, had passed away overnight. I was floored. We all knew that it was coming, but I never expected it to be so soon. Plans were made and my family made the trek to Michigan to properly send her off to her eternal life.
Discussion with one of my cousins during this trip allowed me insight into my grandma's thoughts around the time of her passing. During one of her relatively lucid moments, she asked my grandfather if he was ready to go to Heaven. He answered that he wasn't, that there were still things he wanted to do on Earth. She said okay and that she would wait until he was ready. This conversation still breaks my heart. Obviously, she wasn't able to hold on and nobody blames her for it. The pain she must have felt every day not knowing who she was, where she was and who the people around her were... I can't even fathom it.
With that being said, I feel it is necessary to put this out there for my friends and family to know. Let me preface this by saying that I have no suicidal thoughts or desire to harm myself. I am 100% okay with dying. I'm not afraid of death and I won't feel gypped of time here on Earth when it happens. Whether people realize it or not, I have made a profound impact on a lot of lives. I have spent a lot of time helping others and being the "voice of reason" in countless situations. I'm not saying that there isn't plenty more that I am capable of doing and hopefully I will get the opportunity to do so. However, if it comes down to it and my time runs out, I'm okay with it. I will get to see my fallen family, friends and pets and make preparations for the Homecoming of all that I leave behind.
I told you my thoughts have been morbid, but at least they have been positive, right?
Ha. Take care, friends.
